Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

Whatever Happened to Ivanna Gabbalot?

Ivanna Gabbalot with champagne in hand relaxing on couch, retired.

Some of you may be asking yourselves what happened to Ivanna. As well you might.

If you think about it, she was old when Open Jaw launched back in 2001. So you can only imagine... Actually, best not go there.

Anyhoo, Ivanna has retired.

“Mmhmph…hab..not ret..mphmm”

Apologies for the interruption.
It’s hard for her to accept she’s really old.

No. One more facelift will not do the trick, Ivanna. That bellybutton on your chin is already scaring Toronto wildlife. And not the kind you’re thinking of, pervert. Those all left during your last “neighbourhood pool boy peek-a-boo sack race”. There are limits.

Jean-Marc Eustache cannot save you either. As all wise travel people, he knew when to retire. AS SHOULD YOU, YOU SKINNY COW!

Oops! Very sorry readers. The woman keeps getting loose. Ha! No, I mean, she’s such a little rascal!

Point is Open Jaw is safer without that filthiness parading all over it. Orgies. Drugs. And god knows what other depravities unsuspecting clients have been subjected to.

We will, of course, trot her out along with other has-beens when necessary. (Think Silence of the Lambs trolly and face cage.)

Hey! What are you doing, Ivanna? Ivanna?! Stop that! Nooooo….

Right then! Where were we, dahrl…, uh, I mean readers. Something about the great and inimitable Ivanna retiring. I believe the decision is being reviewed.

Ok, not funny Ivanna. You’ve had your little joke. Let me out now. Ivanna!!
Anybody there?

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