Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

Let Me Tell You About The Tourism Birds & Bees

Why hasn’t someone told the CTC how the tourism business really works? Since we were knee high to a green screen, every Pampered Pumpkin has known where tourism dollars come from. They grow on the magic Marketing Fund Tree.

Hotels and resorts in various countries collect the magic acorns and hand them over to local tourist boards. The fattened boards hand over their um, fruit, to the big retailers and tour ops up here in Canada, who then pollinate the land with offers. When Canadians smell the offer, it excites their Pina Colada gland which triggers the characteristic leg and arm twitch known as the ‘deal dance’. Once they’ve worked themselves into a frenzy, they spew out their little dollar cache, fly off to the respective countries and stay in the hotels. The natural cycle is complete and can begin anew.

I do love that story.

Then you’ve got those poor little CTC virgins running around the world in prophylactics trying to catch foreign tourists one at a time. No wonder they have to close their offices.

A little basic sex education is required here, dahrlings.

Dear CTC, take your wee acorns in hand and march over to Jean-Marc Eustache’s office, tout de suite. He’ll know what to do. With all those fresh little acorns, his big ol’ Jonview will leap into action, sucking up tourists from Europe like a French cocotte.

Gawd, do I have to do everything around here?

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