February 12, 2021
Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

It’s About Time The Feds Stopped Sniffing Their Gorgonzola

There’s foreplay and there’s foreplay, dahrlings. Or as JME used to call it ‘avant jouir’. In a Frenchman’s hands, it all spells O. But back to the other kind of fore. The kind that lasts so long you get a…

February 08, 2021
Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

Hunting For a Buyer

The latest drum beat in the travel jungle is that Sunwing airlines’ fearless big game hunter is tracking a buyer, dahrlings. You’re probably letting your imagination go with this one, Pumpkins … picturing a tattered loincloth, pointy spear, flexy muscles…

February 01, 2021
Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

I Vanna Gab A Lot

I’m thinking of revamping my venerable, centuries old aristocratic family name, Pumpkins. Considering I’m beyond dumbstruck, I’m changing Gabbalot to Huh?. (WTF was taken). Besides, there’s that homage to Prince with Huh? – inserting a symbol is just tingly. So…

January 04, 2021
Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

I’m A Travel Pariah

The travel snatchers have invaded, Pumpkins, pointing and screeching for the federal and provincial armies to shame me for flying. If I weren’t so outraged, dahrlings, I might actually be scared. Neighbours are turning against neighbours. Mine put a ‘travel…

September 18, 2020
Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

It’s The ‘Who’s The Biggest Victim’ Show!

Dahrlings, our favourite game show is back! As we all know, travel is a dangerous game. Leaving airline carcasses and commissionless agents in its wake as the rest of us masochists ask the mistress for more. Then came COVID. The devastation is…

August 08, 2020
Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

I'm Beige

Excuse me, dahrlings, but… I’ve been a serially married white female for as long as I can remember, Pumpkins. I started young, what can I say. Strictly speaking, my skin is more of an oatmeal beige. Not a colour I…

July 22, 2020
Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

From WE To ME

Dear Fellow Zoomerati, In the name of god in heaven, please stop! Ok, now that I’ve got that off my chest, it’s been an absolute donkey’s age since we’ve nominated anyone for a coveted Open Jaw Insert Foot Award! And I…

May 25, 2020
Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

It’s All About The Hair

Let’s face it, dahrlings, who is the most important person in your life, besides your neighbourhood organic, fair trade, bud supplier? Who is the one you tell your deepest secrets to? Share your longings with? Divulge your vulnerabilities to? (Yes,…

May 06, 2020
Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

DON’T BE SAD! IT’S TAD!!

10 years ago someone had the brilliant idea of celebrating you! As you know, I’ll take any excuse for a party. But goodness, if anyone deserves recognition it’s folks who have the cojones to send people jetting around the world,…

April 24, 2020
Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

10 Out of 10 Ivanna Readers Prefer Ivanna

Dahrling Pumpkins, I am thrilled to bitsies to know that I win!! I win!! The most beloved source of nonsensical sexual travel innuendo (it’s a category I made up all by myself) is….. MOI!!!! And trust me, dahrlings, the research…