Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

I’m A Travel Pariah

The travel snatchers have invaded, Pumpkins, pointing and screeching for the federal and provincial armies to shame me for flying.

If I weren’t so outraged, dahrlings, I might actually be scared.

Neighbours are turning against neighbours. Mine put a ‘travel whore’ sign on my lawn. C’mon, man, I paid my way this time!

MPs are dropping like flies, resigning for having the audacity to vacation. I’m surprised they aren’t being tarred and feathered, dahrlings. Paraded through the streets in Paxy Riots for angry mobs to throw eggs at. “You dirty rotten traveller! For shame!”

No wonder Calin is retiring. I hear he’s going into hiding under some kind of travel protection program. Tour ops are starting to smuggle passengers onto planes through underground tunnels. A secret handshake is in development to identify travel agents.

And Ding Dong over here who thinks she runs Open Jaw is flapping her gums so fast her dentures flew out. Says I should officially resign for taking an ITC trip. I gently reminded her we work in travel. Not sure the penny’s dropped.

You think it was bad when commissions were cut! Holy Sun Block, Pumpkins, Boy Wonder up in Ottawa needs to find a new way to part his hair ‘cause those follicles are clearly uprooting Junior’s brain.

Either that or he has a real hate on for the travel industry - putting up one road block after another while denying financial support.

Speaking of which, dear dahrlings, I want my commissions as much as the next pumpkin, but the more we squawk about it, the more the feds’ heads freeze. Understanding travel is enough to fry anybody to a crisp - never mind the half-wits who think announcing a requirement for negative COVID tests in destination without consulting the industry is a good idea.

With everybody yapping at them at once, the dumb dumbs are catatonic.

There’s a neighbourhood watch on my lawn making sure I don’t leave the house for 2 weeks. (They used to try and keep me indoors permanently. Said I scared the kids. Pfft..) At least Guillermo is dropping off all my treats regularly - unfortunately not treating me to him for a while. Ah... I’ll survive. Travel will need a bit of help in that department, Justin!!

Ivanna Gabbalot

Columnist

Part legend, part myth, all woman: Ivanna Gabbalot is OJ’s gossip columnist and considers herself the industry’s conscience. Equally annoying to Open Jaw management and inflated egos in C-suites everywhere, Ivanna works infrequently, preferring to snipe from the sidelines.

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