Dear Fellow Zoomerati,
In the name of god in heaven, please stop!
Ok, now that I’ve got that off my chest, it’s been an absolute donkey’s age since we’ve nominated anyone for a coveted Open Jaw Insert Foot Award! And I believe it’s high time we correct that misstep.
The blazing headlines about the Kielburger brothers paint a picture of man boys who have violated every principle their little 13 year old selves once grappled their way to the top of the celebrity charity circuit upon. They have not only earned a proper spanking, Pumpkins, but they should take the award and insert both feet, along with every other member – including Trudeau’s – into their gaping maws.
It’s sad when the halos above our anointed ones start to slip.
Real estate intrigue. Racial biases. Angry outbursts. And a culture of fear so thick a previous employee told remaining dinkette at the Jaw that she still gets panic attacks remembering those late night calls to perform or else. Barked out commands of round-the-world fare routings having to be reconfigured with tight connections, at a moment’s notice.
Where’s the ‘we’, dahrlings? Sadly, it has the very familiar ‘me, me, me’ ring often rooted in difficult potty training.
I wouldn’t be surprised if travel organizations start abandoning Me 1 & Me 2 like rats off a sinking ship.
Well, never mind, dahrlings, it is all about me in the end, isn’t it? I think I’ll call my movement From You Directly To Me, Ivanna. A global crusade for positive change. Has a lovely melodious yet completely vague quality to it. It’s perfect.
The more you give, the more buildings I can buy for upcoming and neglected drag queens and other marginalized persons.
I’ll start printing T-Shirts right away. Oh, there’s so much to do on the way to reclaiming goddess stature. I’m so excited I might tinkle myself. Just a wee bit! Oh! So drole!
Ivanna Gabbalot Columnist
Part legend, part myth, all woman: Ivanna Gabbalot is OJ’s gossip columnist and considers herself the industry’s conscience. Equally annoying to Open Jaw management and inflated egos in C-suites everywhere, Ivanna touches topics others fear to tackle.