Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

10 Out of 10 Ivanna Readers Prefer Ivanna

Dahrling Pumpkins, I am thrilled to bitsies to know that I win!! I win!! The most beloved source of nonsensical sexual travel innuendo (it’s a category I made up all by myself) is….. MOI!!!!

And trust me, dahrlings, the research is statistically valid to within .04% points margin of error or something, with completely random sampling of the Ivanna reader universe. All 5 of you! (I filled in for the other 5) Oh, bite me. Who gives a stats patootie about all that ethical hooey anyway.

The research is fabulous. Here are some sample questions:

1)Who cares the most about all the poor dear Pumpkins out there forced to work for free like modern day travel slaves?

  • Ivanna
  • Ivanna
  • Ivanna

2)On a scale of 10 to 10 (10 being high and 10 being just as high) how much do you trust this little pink haired tart’s opinions?

But enough about me, dahrlings. No really. Are you stuck at home, hairy legs stuffed into potato chip stained sweats, staring at a phone that doesn’t ring? Gawd, I’ve been there. But did I let it get to me? (Yes, I really did..)

But I finally picked up the phone and called Jean Marc myself. Reminded him of all the good times we had jet setting around Mount Royal – round and round. Planning trips to exotic places where he could rest his large brain on my little one, while i ordered copious cocktails.

The point is, my little olives, we mustn’t give up! There are ways to cope and be positive and stuff. I’ve started exploring mindfulness as a means to … well, I’m not sure exactly what it’s for but it’s big and good – like a well risen French loaf.

Goodness, those bad old days when we missed the good old days sure don’t seem so bad anymore. Sniff.

Ivanna Gabbalot


Part legend, part myth, all woman: Ivanna Gabbalot is OJ’s gossip columnist and considers herself the industry’s conscience. Equally annoying to Open Jaw management and inflated egos in C-suites everywhere, Ivanna works infrequently, preferring to snipe from the sidelines.

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