Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

Pastels! Who Needs’em?

Dahrlings, if there’s one thing in the entire world that makes me gag even more than say, kale, it’s pastels.

Colours (and i use the word lightly) that look like a diabetic attack waiting to pounce.

And Easter is the Academy Awards of pastels. Misty lavender. Whipped yellow. Pasty rose that doesn’t even have the courage to call itself pink.

The only upside to self-immolation - i mean isolation - is that i won’t have to watch the neighbourhood in their new elasticized waist banded, rainbow hued, outfits. Trust me, those who come out of the rainbow wear electric blue or neon green.

Then there are bunnies to contend with. And chicken fetuses.

Pumpkins, I get the whole ‘time to fornicate so we can repopulate the planet with plants and animals and chimpanzees’. I had hormones once. (We had to cut back the injections when hair started sprouting in inexplicable places.)

But I’ve never known a polyester periwinkle combo to spark a man’s urge to breed. I would say it is more likely to shut down all blood flow to the gonadillion region.

Anyhoo, if all this weren’t enough to contend with - i have to listen to daily phone calls from Open Jaw dinkette who is milking her little COVID bout like it’s a worldwide pandemic or something. And to top it off, she gets a personal get well email from MY Jean-Marc! It arrived yesterday at 4:30 and I’ve already had to listen to it 23 times.

He must have just gotten our emails mixed up. Oh JM! I feel a little faint... yes. And hot. Very hot.

You may also like
Carnival Corp “Outperforms on Every Measure” with Record Wave Season
Carnival Corp, which owns Carnival Cruise Line, Princess Cruises, Holland America Line and Seabourn, reported record Q1 revenues of $5.4 billion ...
World-Class Culture, Fine Wine and Mating Rhinos; South Africa Comes to Town
South Africa’s Justin Barnette, the highly entertaining head of Marketing and Communications, said the tourism team wanted to come to Toronto ...
Plane in Flight
CAPA ANALYSIS: With Lynx Gone, Canada’s Big Airlines Are Playing it Smart
A Senior Analyst, Americas, at Sydney-based CAPA - Centre for Aviation, penned a story this week that looks at how Canadian ...
JTB Invites GTA Advisors to Attend ‘Evening with Jamaica’ Event 16-17APR
The Jamaica Tourist Board is hosting two events in Toronto for GTA advisors to experience an Evening with Jamaica on 16APR ...
Sandals Saint Vincent and the Grenadines Opening Hailed as a First
The 18th resort in its portfolio, Sandals Saint Vincent and the Grenadines held its ribbon cutting ceremony on 28MAR. For travel ...

Talk Back! Post a comment: