Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

Where's Anita Bryant When You Need Her?

Florida is being rather coy about its tourism orientation, Pumpkins. Cries of financial assistance are sounding a tad hollow against news of record bookings. I’m feeling very conflicted about whether or not the Gulf oil spill is a problem for the state’s tourism industry or not. I can’t imagine there were any dramatics in all the cries for help. It’s all a bit murky.

You can bet ex-spokeswoman Anita Bryant wouldn’t have stood for any mixed messages. No siree. Back in the day when she ran the show, you knew what Florida stood for. You came, you sunbathed, you drank orange juice. And gay people were evil. Simple. Straightforward.

We need Anita to go down there and put an end to all this bi-messaging. There’s nothing that lots of white teeth and a song can’t fix.

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