Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

Busted For Showing Too Much Ash

Blame it all on bad women, dahrlings.

According to schooled Iranian clerics, loose women are the cause of their recent deadly earthquakes. Apparently God is pissed about hair peeking out from under headscarves (considered a clear sign of promiscuity) and a general “prevalence of degeneracyâ€, so he killed 25,000 people. It stands to reason, therefore, that wanton French, Italian and British mistresses are responsible for the volcanic eruptions, non?

Having been the cause of a few eruptions of my own, I know of what I speak. But, from what I recall (some are hazier than others), even the most explosive outbursts wouldn’t have qualified as ‘volcanic’. Hats off to those continental babes. They really do have style. With the onset of revealing spring fashion, Eyjafjallajökull could no longer contain itself.

Holy smokes, if we have that kind of power over a bankrupt island in the middle of the north Atlantic, world dominance is not far. Men are right to be scared. Later today I might show some cleavage.

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