Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

This Is Our Best Campaign Yet…

How’s your moral turpitude, Pumpkins? Wait…don’t Google it, I already did.

The U.S. coined this gem of a legal term for “conduct that is considered contrary to community standards of justice.â€Â  Oh my nerves! And, that’s just one of the questions on our dear southern neighbour’s fancy new Electronic System for Travel Authorization (ESTA) form that lots of folks who want to visit the U.S. will have to answer.  Starting March 20th, a little trip to Disney World, Vegas or the BIG Apple from any of 35 ‘Visa-Waiver’ countries – including the U.K., Australia, France, Germany and Japan – will require completion of a wildly and weirdly worded online questionnaire prior to their trip.

And, talk about crazy…Americans expect potential visitors to disclose whether they suffer from a mental disorder, have ever performed espionage or sabotage or were involved in any way with Nazi persecutions between 1933 and 1945. Of course, dahrlings, if you were involved with the Nazis in 1933 you’d be a ripe old 97 this year, and not likely to be riding Space Mountain.

My personal favourite is the question about seeking entry to engage in immoral activities. O-o-o-o-oh, I wonder if they mean stuff like browsing the selection of assault rifles at the local gun shop or a drive-thru liquor store?

If you make it through the questionnaire, the next step is the ‘Waiver of Rights’ – that just means you sign away the ability to question any actions of the folks at U.S. Customs & Border Protection. I’m kinda familiar with waivers…may as well have signed off on both husbands 2 and 3.

But wait, there’s added value…on arrival in the U.S., Visa-Waiver visitors will be welcomed by a photographer, to preserve the moment…oh, and they’d like your fingerprints too, all 10 of them.

One last thing dahrlings: visitors will also pay a new $10 fee that will go towards tourism promotion.

That’s like brass in our tourism pockets, Pumpkins. Thanks neighbour!

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