Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

Ban Underwear!

What would Mae West have said had she flown next to a man lighting his underwear? “Is that a bomb in your panties, or are you Jihad to see me?â€

What will it take to set travel free? We’ve gotten rid of water. Alcohol. Lighters. And now carry-on bags of any kind. It’s time to expose the culprits by banning clothing altogether! It’s a ballsy move that will either make us, or break us, but I for one am willing to give it a go. No more standing behind a row of numb nuts repacking their totes and purses and cases right at security. Boots and belts and scarves won’t go missing. Air travel would be free and unencumbered.

The best part is we’d all get boarded in no time. With no waiting for the requisite shoving of enlarged packs into tight overhead bins. Just slip into your seat and strap in for take off.

C’mon people – I’m tired of always being one step behind these clever schemers. Let’s not get caught with our pants down again! Unless we really mean it.

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