Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

Up Your Assets

Now, dahrlings, I can assess the value of a diamond minus depreciation and the relative cost ratio of husbandry benefits from ten feet away, even with a couple of vodkas under my belt. But ask me to work out the ‘flexi’ add-ons my client has to pay (assuming, I’ve figured out the fare), which ones are and aren’t commissionable, the overhead for collecting and returning surcharges, and I’m back in grade school frozen at the blackboard.

I’m already expected to be a mind-reader, a nurse-maid, confidant, geography whiz, a meteorologist, wardrobe advisor, and now a calculus major. And all this nonsense is so that the opening price can appear really really inconsequential. Puhlease. It’s like wearing 3 pairs of spanks to hide the extra twenty pounds you’ve gained. Honey, you’re still a chunky price tag.

Technology was supposed to streamline travel. All it’s done is make airlines and suppliers invent asinine work-arounds that shove the problem into our laps. I’d like to shove a few work-arounds up their assets, if you know what I mean. Tag a few add-ons to their tails. Flexi-whip that unruly pricing into shape.

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