Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

Don't Worry, Be Happy

Oh my god! I had no idea! That strange queasy feeling I’ve been nursing for the last 35 years – apparently it isn’t indigestion. According to the University of Chicago, it’s happiness. That’s right Pumpkins. And you have it too. We all do!

According to their job satisfaction study, travel agent ranks as the 3rd most happy occupation, right below firefighter. The top happy job goes to priests and such. Yes, Pumpkins, we are 56.5% happy. Apparently it all has to do with helping people, not money. Who knew?

The whining and complaining and teeth grinding is obviously just a way of expressing our giddy glee. I never knew everyone out there is just mad with blissful delight. Yes, that’s it. All of us are in an orgiastic form of ecstasy that just happens to feel like having your nose hairs plucked out through your colon.

So, Pumpkins, next time you feel the urge to hurl, just remember, you’re happy!

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