July 06, 2023
INQUIRING MINDS
Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

Whatever Happened to Ivanna Gabbalot?

Ivanna Gabbalot, Open Jaw’s potty-mouthed commentator, has decided to spend more time with a family. A pair of kind twin adult males have taken her in. And she them.

December 23, 2021
Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

Once Upon A Time…

Open Jaw sprung from my loins, fully formed, many decades ago, dahrlings. The father, bless his motility, was the creator of the internet.

November 18, 2021
Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

It’s Always Something

Ivanna Gabbalot on the struggles of friends and colleagues this week in B.C.

November 12, 2021
Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

Give It A Rest

Since when is the language someone speaks a barometer of their abilities, dahrlings? Just because getting old …um no, that’s ageism. Which is very damaging, by the way, to ex-babes. Just sayin’…

November 08, 2021
Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

People Get Ready, There’s A Plane A Comin’

The big sales are coming, Pumpkins. In the meantime it’s like watching your beautifully displayed ripe tomatoes shrivel up on the shelf. Unwanted. A leaky mess of gooey pulp.

May 05, 2021
Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

Start Spreading the News

Dear Pumpkins, If you can make it through a pandemic, dahrlings, you can make it anywhere. It’s your day. Your…

April 30, 2021
Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

Jean-Marc Is Back!

It is difficult to put into words what my heart is feeling at this moment, Pumpkins. It is best described as a gentle fluttering lying in a deep pool of hot lava.

April 06, 2021
Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

Someone’s In Need of a Close Shave

A few months ago, playboy Peladeau was a dead ringer for Trudeau’s big brother. The wavy mane of thick locks,…

March 25, 2021
Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

Are We Having Fun Yet?

Have you ever tried pulling on a pair of Spanx when your thighs are still dampy? The upshot is your…

February 23, 2021
Excuse me, dahrlings, but...

Room Service Please

Is there anything better, Dahrlings, than fluffy towels, a deep marble tub and a buffy room service boy with a…